Arguments are normal.
Do you believe there’s anybody who has lived a complete life without getting into an argument before? Of course not. We are all unique individuals with differing views on matters. We can’t help but find ourselves in arguments or even escalated fights.
When this happens, it’s comforting to know that it is a one-time event most of the time. When it turns out that it isn’t, one effective strategy to stop this is to leave. That’s to either avoid the person or avoid being there when fights are likely to occur.
It may not be a fool-proof solution, but as some will testify, it works – unless the person is someone you can’t avoid, someone like your child. If asked, most parents will say they love their children. Only a few will admit that dealing with your child can be challenging.
What do you do when the person you’re raising to be strong-willed, decisive, and independent turns these traits on you? What can you do if you and your child can’t stop fighting about everything? The power struggle might get exhausting. As mentioned earlier, though, you don’t have the luxury of running from these encounters.
Have you wondered if there is a way out?
- Remove yourself from the fight. It is not wrong to run away sometimes. Some psychologists have this to say: They think that sometimes children drag you into an argument in order to wear you down until you give in to what they want.
- So, your child may argue about a responsibility they might have but want to get out of. Or they might argue to get you to do something you disagree with. They may do this as a poor way of problem-solving because they don’t know any alternative methods.
- An excellent way to stop these kinds of fights is to disengage. Suppose the argument results from something your child needs to do but doesn’t want to. Let there be consequences for their refusal.
- Avoid arguing with your child. Instead, let the consequences of their actions take effect when necessary.
- Know your triggers. Sometimes, as much as you’d want to disengage from fights with your child, it can be challenging. Everyone has something that sets them off.
- Maybe you’ll think, “What will my kid be doing when I get home? Lazing around as usual.” Or an action: that eye roll. It could even be a particular time, like when you get home from work and have to interact. Whatever it is, it’s there.
- Take a good look at what triggers you into fighting with your child. Then put up a plan to keep yourself in check when there’s a good chance that you’ll lose your cool. It is an effective way to stop yourself from getting into heated arguments with your child.
- Set a good example. Be an exemplary role model. If you do not want your child yelling, arguing, and fighting all the time, avoid doing it yourself. Show them effective problem-solving methods.
- Have reasonable discussions with them about their frustrations. As you do so, allow them to express themselves. Above all, show them that fighting is not an effective way to resolve issues.
- The only way they’ll learn to do better is if you show them by your actions how to do better.
- Treat your child with respect. Your child might be young, but they also have views on some matters. Show them that you respect their opinions. Don’t always try to be right or have the final say.
- Let your child know that you recognise their views and will consider them. The goal is to make them feel included, not like subjects in a dictatorship. There’s a better chance that they won’t fight against you as much when you do.
Our Prayer: O’Lord give us the wisdom to stop fighting with our children about everything in the name of Jesus, Amen, and Amen.