In recent times, news stories about children succumbing to the torment of bullying are tragically frequent. As a parent, your instinct is to shield your child from such harm. But what happens when you discover that it’s your child who might be inflicting the harm?
Take a Closer Look at Your Child’s Experiences
- Determine if Your Child is Being Bullied: Begin by gently inquiring if anyone has been unkind or hurtful toward them. Sometimes, children are reluctant to disclose, so indirect questions may yield more insight.
- Try asking about any bullying incidents they may have observed. Let them know you understand bullying exists, and encourage them to discuss any instances where someone was mistreated.
- Share stories from your own school days. What experiences shaped you, either as a witness or a victim of unkindness?
- If you ever faced bullying, convey your feelings from that time. Then ask if they have ever felt similarly.
- Reinforce that bullying is intolerable—whether they’re on the receiving end or contributing to it.
- Understand Social Pressures to Fit In: Many children strive intensely to gain peer acceptance, sometimes even compromising their values.
- Open up about instances from your childhood where you tried to fit in, using one positive and one negative example to illustrate.
- Use stories with moral examples, like when Jesus chose integrity over popularity, as in Luke 7:36-39, where He accepted kindness from a marginalised person without concern for social approval.
- Emphasise that actions that bring harm to others are never justifiable.
- Recognise and Address Differences in Strengths: If your child stands out by being bigger, smarter, more athletic, or more popular, talk to them about respecting everyone.
- Discuss the fundamental respect every individual deserves, even those they might not personally like.
- Share anecdotes, whether from your own life or the news, that demonstrate respect or its absence. Provide them with alternative, respectful ways to handle situations.
- Ask them to consider someone specific in their life to whom they could show greater respect.
Reflect on How You Treat Others
Children are keen observers. They watch your behavior and learn by example.
- Avoid Belittling Your Child: Discipline does not entail belittling, sarcasm, or yelling. Model respectful communication to instill the same respect in them.
- Exhibit Respect in Your Adult Relationships: Whether among colleagues, friends, or acquaintances, speak about others with respect, even in moments of frustration. If you don’t, your child will likely replicate disrespectful behavior.
- Evaluate your words and actions, imagining you’re being observed by someone who holds you accountable. This reflective approach can help you model kindness consistently.
- Treat Service Workers with Dignity: From waitstaff to store clerks, treat those who serve you with respect. Your actions communicate more to your child than your words ever could.
- If you leave a tip, make sure they understand the reasons behind such gestures of appreciation.
Proactively Teach Respect and Compassion
Modern life is busy, and it’s easy to overlook the importance of consistently teaching respect. Small actions and words can instill empathy in your child.
- Praise Respectful Behaviour: When you observe your child acting kindly, acknowledge it and express how it makes you feel.
- “When you held the door open for that person, you genuinely brightened my day.”
- Set Firm, Respectful Boundaries: Consequences teach accountability. When your child behaves disrespectfully, respond with calm firmness.
- For example, if they misuse a phone or computer, restrict access for a set period. In cases of repeated misbehavior, extend the time accordingly.
- Encourage them to write down alternative, respectful actions they could take in similar situations in the future.
- Address Bullying Reports Seriously: Though difficult to accept, your child may sometimes act harmfully. Ignoring such reports won’t help.
- Request specific examples and, if available, tangible proof from those reporting the behavior.
- Review your child’s social media interactions to monitor their digital presence.
- If it becomes evident that your child has engaged in bullying, sit down with them for a heartfelt discussion. Emphasise consequences and explain why their actions need to change.
Fostering a respectful outlook in your child is a multi-layered approach. It encompasses your behaviour, the way others treat them, and the values you instill. Teach them that respect and kindness are not just about following rules but about genuinely valuing others’ well-being.
A Prayer for Kindness and Respect
Heavenly Father, we ask for Your guidance as we nurture our children to be kind, compassionate, and respectful toward others. Help us model the love and respect You show us, so they may follow in Your example. Grant us wisdom to teach them accountability, humility, and grace. May our words and actions inspire them to uplift others and stand against harm. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
